You+Can't+Say+You+Can't+Play

=== You Can't Say, " You Can't Play "by [|Tracy Rysavy] ===

posted Nov 02, 1998
===Veteran teacher Vivian Gussin Paley witnessed a peculiar phenomenon in her kindergarten classroom year after year – without fail, a caste system developed within each group of students. Certain children were granted the status of “boss” by their peers, giving them the power to create the games, make the rules, and determine who would be allowed to join the group and who would be consistently excluded from those games. === ===Year after year, the drama was the same, with only the names changing – Clara would hide in her cubby hole during play time rather than face rejection, Nelson would run away from the other boys in tears, Angelo would withdraw into his own world instead of reaching out to others. All victims of three simple words: “ Youcan'tplay .” === ===“Turning 60,” writes Paley, “I am more aware of the voices of exclusion in the classroom. ‘ Youcan'tplay ' suddenly seems too overbearing and harsh, resounding like a slap from wall to wall. How casually one child determines the fate of another.” === ===Compelled to find out if the exclusion of one group for the benefit of another was inevitable, Paley posted a sign in her classroom with a single proposed rule written on it: “ Youcan'tsay, ‘ Youcan'tplay .'” === ===In her new book of the same name, Paley recounts the long process she and her students went through to determine whether or not such a rule was “fair” and could work. === ===On the surface, the debate seems to have two sides – the “bosses,” or the children who make up the games and decide who can play versus the rejected children who, for one reason or another, might spoil everyone's game. But caught in the middle are those who just want to fit in and be liked. Those who fear sticking up for the outcasts because one day they, too, might be told, “ Youcan'tplay .” === ===“I could play alone,” say s popular Lisa during one class discussion. “Why can't Clara play alone?” === ===“I think that's pretty sad,” replies the self-sufficient Angelo. “People that is alone, they has water in their eyes.” === ===“I'm more sad if someone comes that I don't want to play with,” say s Lisa. === ===Paley intervenes with a question, “Who is sadder, the one who isn't allowed to play, or the one who has to play with someone he or she doesn't want to play with?” ===

“The other one is the same sadder,” say s Lisa.
===“It has to be Clara, because she puts herself away in her cubby. And Lisa can still play every time,” say s Angelo. === ===Through many such discussions, Paley and her students decide to test the rule, “ Youcan'tsay, ‘ Youcan'tplay ,'” which results in a very changed dynamic among the kindergartners. === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“I can't believe that the transition to the new rule is so straightforward and easy,” say s Paley after the rule has been in place for a week. “When the children are reminded of the rule, they comply so readily that it is as if they've been rescued. From what? Perhaps from the ordeal of deciding whether or not someone can play. ... === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“Each time a cause for sadness is removed for even one child, we all rise in stature. ... When I was in a first-grade classroom 55 years ago, it would have been an enormous relief to me if the fat girl with only one dress had been treated kindly.” === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">The new rule also works wonders on the self-confidence of those used to being outcasts. Instead of hiding in her cubby in the face of rejection, shy Clara finds her voice under the new rule: === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Clara comes upon Lisa and Cynthia as they cover the entrance to their dwelling with scarves and manages to narrate her way in without disrupting the play. ===

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“Pretend we're newborn baby princess mousies,” Lisa say s to Cynthia.
===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“And pretend I'm a girl kitty that is lost and I see you ,” Clara offers hopefully. === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“Then you find you r sister, Clara, in a different woods and you run away.” === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“No,” say s Clara firmly. “Me and my sister see a trail of cheese and it's you r cheese and we come to live in you r mousie house.” === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">In the end, the rule passes the test and stays. The following school year, “ Youcan'tsay, ‘ Youcan'tplay '” will not be a new rule for the incoming kindergartners, but, as Paley say s, it will be “the rule.” === ===<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Helvetica,Verdana,Lucida,Arial,'Lucida Grande',sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“Words do make a difference,” she say s. “The children are learning that it is far easier to open the doors than to keep people out.” ===